Memorial Service: Part 3

Gunter Mehler, Speaker

For more than 17 years Ya Ching and Colin were a couple. Both built their lives here in Munich and they enjoyed the city to the fullest.

Starting with the easy living of the city that is so much less stressful than Singapore, and the perfect trips in the surrounding area. All the friends who visited her, Ya Ching Tan showed them her chosen and beloved new home.

She loved the free-time opportunities, with mountain and country walks and cycling.

She appreciated the climate, avoiding the heat of Singapore, apart from the coldest winter, when she would have preferred to have her own insulated glass case when she went for a walk

She enjoyed the shops, especially the traditional and craft shops.

In recent years, she took the opportunity to work manually in all simplicity. 

She discovered her artistic talents, mastered one craft after another, learning on her own - such crafts as:

Box-Making

Doll-Making

Needle-felting of Birds, Animals

Taking artistic photos of her creations

Selling some of her creations on the internet, but keeping the best ones for herself. 

Ya Ching Tan was a strong woman: she wanted things to be simple and straightforward. What she considered to be natural, should be the route. In addition, she took Colin along on this path.

She always had good arguments on her side - and she took advantage of her cheeky and witty sense of humour, with an infectious smile.
So she won over Colin, and looked after her man wonderfully, especially with her Singapore cooking.

Among all the Colin will miss in his heart and his soul, there are the tiny little things Colin will miss:

Her cooking and discovering food with her.

Exploring landscapes and castles in Eastern Germany.

Visiting Singapore and her friends there with her.

Showing her his British roots: people, countryside, culture.

Cycling through the Englischer Garten.

Watching & discussing films and TV.

Getting surprise e-mails at work with a photo of new felt creation.

Her smile. 

After 17 years as a couple - a Hokien Chinese proverb came true:

"mu zhu kao jin yue dui ye nen ta pai zhi"

"Even a sow standing close to the band learns to tap its feet in time with the music."
Colin learnt to tap his feet in time with Ya Ching’s music.

56 years of life – not everything can be told and or mentioned, there has been too much in her life.

Therefore I would like to ask you now to have your own thoughts and let them run free during the music:
You all had the great fortune to have known and experienced her in her lifetime.
Think of a conversation, a hug, something in common with Ya Ching Tan. Get this image in your mind's eye.

Music: Solvejg’s Song, Grieg

 

 

Take this image with you, your own personal image. Do not be afraid if the image diminishes - I am sure it will reappear on its own and will remind you of Ya Ching Tan.

Her death hurts. Especially us - who remain behind.

And we seek refuge in the pain that we feel.
There are old traditional words that comfort people.
These are powerful words testifying the fact that there are so many things between heaven and earth that we do not understand, and yet it is all there.

Hear the words that the psalmist sang in deep despair and yet full of optimism that life can return to a better one.

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures
and leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
And though I walk through the dark valley I fear no evil;
for you are with me
your rod and your staff they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the face of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me my life long,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Dear mourners,

all the mystery surrounding death and decay are not resolved.
Some early farewells to a human,
many sudden deaths,
why one has to go so early and
others do not die until old age...
Perhaps all that will remain a secret forever.

We will not get any answer but what is comforting and yet also remains: Ya Ching Tan had confidence that whatever death is, not all is over.

In addition, Plato wrote 2,500 years ago:

"To be afraid of death is only another form of thinking that one is wise when one is not; it is to think that one knows what one does not know. No one knows with regard to death whether it is not really the greatest blessing that can happen to man; but people dread it as though they were certain it is the greatest evil."

The philosopher Plato tried to explain with these words what death is. Also, he is stunned and does not go beyond the questions.
The interesting thing about these lines is not that he does not know anything. But he is opening up opportunities for thought.

We all experience pain and suffering.

Even on the question of where the pain and suffering comes alive, there is no clear answer ... Despite all the philosophy, medicine and psychology.

Plato tells us that despite the pain and suffering brought to us, caused by the death of a loved one: the death for the deceased himself may even be a chance to experience good and positive.

We know nothing and yet live as well in the confidence that after death there will be a reunion with all the loved ones of our lives.

Ya Ching Tan knew life will go on.

Your lives will go on – and I dare to say: she would have dedicated this little prayer to all of you:

Death is nothing at all.

It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again.

[Henry Scott Holland]

Music: Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana, Mascagni

Life is finite.

As a candle is burning,
it lights up,
it shines in the warmth and beauty.
Then it goes out.
In the light we see.
In the light we are seen.
The flames dance and life will be fulfilled.
But as the night follows the day,
the candle of our lives is burning down, and flickers.
There is an end to the flames.
We do not see and we are not seen anymore.
However, we do not despair
because we are more than a memory,
that quenches slowly into the darkness.
Our life is just like a candle.
With our lives, we give life.
Something of us can never die.

[By: Wisdom of Judaism, the home of the heart, 165]

The memory of Ya Ching Tan is in your heart and sealed.

We don’t need any object of memory. I can extinguish this candle.

Because our lives are only just like a candle.

We want to say goodbye to Ya Ching Tan and strengthen ourselves with the words that we have known since childhood days, the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father, Who art in heaven,

hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory
in eternity.
Amen.

Anyone who has loved and respected Ya Ching Tan,

will carry on this love and respect.
Those whom Ya Ching Tan loved,
will thank her for her love.
May you find your final place of rest in Cornwall.

To what is mortal, we say goodbye,

what is essential, we keep in our hearts.
May peace be with you.