Here is a video eulogy produced by Lee Eng together with Sook Foong:
One night in early July 2011, just as I was preparing to retire for the night, I received an overseas call. It was from my good friend, Ya Ching, in
“The hospital
has decided to stop all chemotherapy treatment”, she told me over the phone,
trying her best to sound nonchalant. She explained that the physical state of
her condition would no longer permit it. There is nothing more the hospital
could do to help her.
I remembered a long period of silence followed.
Firstly, I was stunned.
I did not expect such an outcome. Not especially when just a few days earlier,
she had told me she was preparing to transfer to another hospital for longer
term care and treatment. She had been bracing herself to fight her illness -
second time round.
Secondly, during the quietness, I was racking through my head,
hoping to recall some appropriate and soothing words I could say - to comfort
her. Unfortunately, I could not find any - much as I tried. All the words that
came flooding to my mind sounded but clichéd to me and, at most, courteous. I
could not bring myself to utter them at a time that was so heart-breaking and
so devastating to her.
After what
seemed like eternity, she comforted me instead. She had been given 6 bonus
years and was already very glad and thankful. That was Ya Ching, still ever so
thoughtful, mindful and considerate of others, in spite of her condition.
That long night,
as I reflected on Ya Ching’s recent six years in remission, as well as those vague
years in-between since I knew her as freshmen together at the University of Singapore
She lived her life the best she could.
She had ample time for family and friends.
She generously took time out to enjoy and “smell the roses”.
And, most important of all, to her greatest joy and
delight,
She found a hobby that was to be the being and passion of
her life.
Ever since she
was young, Ya Ching had always been willowy. The “Olive” or Pop-eye’s wife
image had always given many people the impression that she was fragile and
weak. I remembered many of the elders of our time, constantly urging and
encouraging her to eat more. They were afraid that she would be blown off by
the wind!
It was really
funny then, listening to them. Because contrary to what they think, I knew for
a certainty that Ya Ching’s beanpole frame belied the physically strong, gently
steely and fiercely independent woman that she was - one not easily assailed by
the storms of life.
Her life had not
always been easy. In fact, there had been quite a few set-backs. But each time,
she had been resilient. She would bounce back quickly from them, becoming ever
stronger in spirit and continued living with greater courage and determination.
During her
recent illness, she knew very quickly that she did not have the luxury of time
to brood over her conditions and wallow in self-pity. She rapidly and
peacefully accepted the finality of her conditions, fiercely fought each extra day
she was given and bravely faced the thought of her final days with a courage that
very few could summon.
During the one
week in August that I was fortunate to be able to spend with her, I never once heard
her griped about her conditions. She never once questioned “why me GOD?”
Instead, she channeled whatever energy and time she had, positively, into
letting each and every one of us present know that she loved us. Even when she
got weaker and could no longer say much, we could all tell, from her smiling
eyes, that she was very appreciative and thankful to each of us who were there
visiting her.
Ya Ching had the
habit of always trying to do everything herself. If she could, she would avoid
troubling or inconveniencing anybody. At the hospital, even when she was
visibly in great discomfort, she would try not to bother the nurses and
attendants – unless absolutely necessary. She would always tell us that the
nurses already had their hands full. Such was her thoughtfulness and
consideration of people around her.
Ya Ching had
always been very focused and disciplined in whatever she decided to do. She
tried to live her life the best she could and tried to get her priorities
right. She did not have time for silly things - so much so that she sometimes
came across as someone who was “too serious” with life. But it was exactly this
same “seriousness” with which she approached life that enabled her to notice
the details in each and every leaf and flower - which most of us usually missed
but which she so beautifully noticed and portrayed in her handiwork! The
serious trait in her, coupled with the razor-sharp memory she had, also
sometimes enabled her to pick up the flaws in some of the friendly arguments
which we occasionally engaged in, enabling her to turn them into some really
witty and humorous rebuttals which we had all come to enjoy!
Though Ya Ching
had no time for silly and unimportant things, she always had ample time for her
family and friends. She would always try to make that annual trip back home to Singapore
Without fail
too, Ya Ching would also call during major festivals to extend her greetings. After
so many years abroad, she was still very Asian at heart. She would keep track
of the Chinese New Year and the Mid-Autumn festivals every year, although these
were not celebrated in Germany
Birthdays were
also never forgotten. She would also take the pain to personally design and
craft the greeting cards herself. All these years, I have also recalled that
the cards were never, ever a day late - an act that clearly showed, beyond any
shadow of doubt, the love and sincerity with which they were sent and posted.
In spite of the
busy and full life she lived each day, Ya Ching would always consciously find and
take time out to “smell the proverbial roses”. She loved and relished her occasional
weekend escapades to the alpine mountainside! She would talk unceasingly about
her walks through the woods and her biking trips to the Palace grounds. Whenever
she came back home to Singapore
It was just not
too long ago, that Ya Ching decided to opt out of active employment. It was to
be one of the best decisions of her life because not long after retirement, she
was to discover and find a hobby that fulfilled her life-long dream of creating
some form of artworks with her hands. Apart from the technical and scientific
skills which most of us already knew she was good at, Ya Ching had also been
good in art. From young, she had wanted to be an architect. She dreamt of
coming up with those artist impressions of great architectural designs and buildings.
But this ambition was never meant to be.
When she found
her new hobby of needle felting with wool, she was to live her art-related
dream. The details and passion with which she poured into her hobby was evident
in each piece of craftwork she produced! Even when she was in the hospital and
feeling a little weak, I remembered her reminding Colin to take care of the
“birds”. When I found out from Colin what the “birds” were I realized how much
she prided and treasured her crafts and that she would not suffer the thought
of any careless treatment of them!
Few in life could
boast of the opportunity to engage in what they were so passionate about. Ya
Ching finally found that dream, in time - and I was truly glad for her.
As Ya Ching herself
said, she was completely at peace and ready to go. She had lived her life to
the fullest and the best she could.
Today, we grieve
our loss.
The ache will
surely be there.But we take heart in the thought that though she is no longer with us,
Our fond memories of her will continue to live in our hearts.
We will always remember her as our very good and faithful friend!
Goodbye my dear friend.
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