Some Thoughts from Colin

Ya Ching was a very warm, kind, caring and generous person. She was always natural, she wasn’t one to do things for show. She was strong willed with strong opinions, which she worked out herself and stuck to. She was clever, had a cheeky and witty sense of humour.

She had a delightful sense of wonder and joy, for instance at beautiful places, at nature and in general, and a delightful smile.

She was a lover of simplicity and elegant form. She didn’t want unnecessary things, and was always careful not to waste the world’s resources. She was content with a few simple things of quality, made to last.

In so much of what she did, she was so precise and meticulous.

Ya Ching wasn’t interested in the complexity of life’s rules and procedures, and always wanted to do things the way she saw as natural and right.

She mastered the English language at school as a second language, and believed that it was important for everyone to learn English as the world language.

In Germany, she picked up the language to live her life here, and always took an active interest in the news of what was happening in the country.

Ya Ching had many talents. At work, she was highly competent in the complexity of her subject matter. At home, she mastered her handicrafts, which were all self-taught. She was always willing to learn new tricks.

She was happy and content in life, she lived for today and tomorrow. From childhood onwards she was always uncomplaining, even through her sickness. Ya Ching was very grateful for the life she had, and felt quite fulfilled.

  

Interests

Her friends were always most important to her. She kept in touch with them across the world, and was always generous and very thoughtful to them, always thinking of their needs. She adored and empathised with her friends’ children.

She had a typical Singaporean’s devotion to food. For instance, she would always plan in advance what to eat when she visited Singapore, but when she got there she always found the weather there was too hot there to eat all she had planned! At home, she did delicious Wok cooking for herself and Colin and for their guests. But as well as Asian food, she loved a lot of European food, especially paella, spaghetti, and German roast duck!

She was artistically talented, and mastered one craft after another, learning on her own such crafts as making gift boxes and doll-making, culminating in her perfect needle-felting of animals and birds. This she complemented by taking very artistic photos of her creations, and then selling some them on her ‘DeeplyFeltCreations’ on the internet, but keeping the best ones for herself!

While she was not inherently sporty, after her first illness with cancer she jogged or did skipping every day without fail, as she knew being fit would help ward off cancer.

While she had no interest in playing with technology or technical things for their own sake, she was keen to make use of it as soon as it was useful to her, for example with the internet and digital cameras, and to tell others of their benefits.

Ya Ching loved Munich as her adopted home with Colin, and appreciated avoiding the rat-race and hustle of Singapore and the States. She appreciated German efficiency and tidiness, as well as the climate here, avoiding the swelter of Singapore, apart from in the coldest winter, when she wanted to have her own insulated glass case when she went for a walk! She loved the opportunities here for doing things in her free time, with mountain and country walks and cycling. She enjoyed the city’s shops, especially the traditional and craft shops, and was always keen to show off Munich and her life here to visitors.

She also learned to appreciate Britain and its people and countryside via visits, friends and broadcasting.

Ya Ching and Colin

Ya Ching and Colin learnt to understand each other quite quickly: Her more or less first line to Colin was: ‘I was stung by a Bi’, which, when Colin had retuned his ear, he understood was that she had been stung by a bee. After that there were very few misunderstandings.

Ya Ching more or less civilised Colin, and looked after her Man wonderfully, especially with her Singapore cooking.

Some simple things Colin will miss:

• Her cooking and discovering food with her.
• Exploring landscapes and castles in Eastern Germany.
• Visiting Singapore and her friends there with her.
• Cycling through the Englischer Garten.
• Watching & discussing films and TV.
• Getting surprise e-mails at work with a photo of new felt creation.
• Her smile.

As Ya Ching told Colin, according to a Hokien Chinese proverb:
‘mu zhu kao jin yue dui ye nen ta pai zhi’
‘Even a sow standing close to the band learns to tap its feet in time with the music.’

Over their years together, Colin learnt to tap his feet in time with Ya Ching’s music.

Rory White, Brother-in-Law:

Ya Ching was extremely thoughtful and considerate to others. She seemed to be always thinking of what other people needed and how to help them. I was particularly impressed that she remained like that, still thinking very much of others, in the latter stages of her illness. When I saw her for the last time in hospital, as on many other times, I felt that I had received from her much more than I was able to give.

Nephew, Barnaby White age 9:

Nephew, Benjamin White age 6:

Niece, Peony White age 4:

Wilfried Ziems, Work Colleague:

I will always remember Ya Ching as a warm-hearted, friendly, and very high competent colleague.

Wolfgang Bartels, Arbeitskollege

Sie war eine starke Persönlichkeit, eine angenehme Kollegin und eine Frau mit feinem Humor.

Reiner Goldmann, Work Colleague:

She was a kind and gentle person. I will miss her generous warm nature.

I will always remember the laugh of her when I tried to speak Chinese.

Grace Au Yong, Niece

I will always remember Ah Ee (Ya Ching) as the social glue in the family, someone who made the effort to keep in touch with everyone, despite being so very far away. I will miss her panic calls to Singapore when I hadn’t posted on Facebook for a couple of days, and her comments on my Facebook wall - she admitted to being quite a Facebook stalker, to keep up with my sister and my life in Singapore. Will miss her very dearly.

Kat Tan, Cousin:

Cousin Ya Ching was one of those cousins you dreaded as a kid. My parents would always use her as a yardstick to measure our performances in school and at home. I was secretly waiting for this older cousin of mine to fall from grace, to make some silly mistake, so that my parents could stop comparing us to her.

But it never happened, to my dismay.

Ya Ching grew into an even more intelligent, soft-spoken, lovely and gracious lady. And of course my parents never really stopped talking about her.

The Ya Ching I will remember is the candid Ya Ching with her infectious grin. I appreciate how she kept in touch with us, as we all grew older and got engulfed by our own busy lives. And I really appreciate how she reached out to my parents in their later years with such patience, sincerity, love and respect.

ThinFong Tsuei, University Friend:

She will always be remembered as a dear friend that is smart, caring, who with her acute observations, brings fun with her witty and friendly remarks on her friends, little creatures and things around her.

We'll all miss her and cherish the time with her, remember her jokes, her great observation and witty but harmless comments on things.

Wei Ying Loke, University Friend:

I am touched by her love for her friends and that she was also so well loved by so many. The recent weeks really brought out the meaning of real friendships, and we thank Ya Ching for letting us see this.

Her death has not only overcome fear and sorrow, but brought out love, courage, grace, peace, confidence. She will live in our memories, and we will learn from her.

From Silke Cormican, Friend in Munich:

I remember the day when Colin invited my husband Cahal and myself to an Italian restaurant in Schwabing about 17 years ago, to meet a friend of his. On arriving at the restaurant we met this delightful woman we all know as Ya Ching. I suspected that this was more than friendship.

She came across as a friendly, easygoing person, warmhearted and Colin was clearly a happy man.  It quickly became obvious that there was more than frendship between Colin and Ya Ching.  This proved itself as we spent time with them over the years and my first impression that I had of Ya Ching, never waivered.. In fact it was continually strengthened. 

In particular as far as our son Sean is concerned (who, being autistic, had to learn gradually and painfully over the years to cope with his feelings that for him were quite overwhelming at times, thereby attracting a lot of attention in public, which left me feeling vulnerable, isolated and helpless). Ya Ching was never judgmental and liked Sean the way he is. She gave her time generously and looked after Sean and his younger brother Ronan when I asked her to, thereby giving Cahal and myself some breathing space She never mentioned that a particular situation may have been difficult, but was always gentle and understanding.

Although I am quite an introverted person and hardly ever voice my feelings, I know from our last telephone conversations that Ya Ching has always known what she meant to me. I will miss her.

With lots of love,

Silke

From YuChuan Fong Cline:

My name is YuChuan Fong Cline and I was originally from Taiwan.  I now live in New Jersey, U.S.A.  Ya-Ching came into my life in the early 1980s when she moved from Singapore to New Jersey and took up a position where I used to work. We quickly became good friends.  For the next 10 years, Ya-Ching became part of our family, spending many weekends and holidays with us.  She loved our children who were toddlers at the time.  She not only helped watch them, entertaining them while we were busy, she also sat through numerous violin recitals during the girls’ school years.  For Easter holidays, Ya-Ching would prepare Easter baskets for the children.  For Halloween, Ya-Ching always could not wait to see what the girls would dress up as.  ‘Auntie Ya-Ching’ had become a big part of our children’s life.  We went from colleagues to very close family friends.

At work, Ya-Ching was one of the few gurus developing a complex telecommunication signaling system.  While everyone else was just winging it, Ya-Ching diligently and meticulously compiled what she studied into a notebook, which the colleagues later on referred to as the ‘Bible’ of our system. 

Ya-Ching not only was brilliant in math, science and technology, she was also extremely talented in art.  I don’t know how much she shared with the rest of the world, but my family was always amazed by the sketches she made while entertaining the kids and the hand-drawn birthday cards she made for us.  Her recent miniature hand-felt wool figurines truly uncovered her art genes.  

Ya-Ching loved her family in Singapore.  When her father was seriously ill, she wanted him to see the best doctor in the world.  She went home and escorted her father back to the U.S. to see the top doc in New York City.  Her action spoke loudly for her love to the family.  After her father’s passing, Ya-Ching wrapped up the chapter of her life in the U.S. and moved on to Munich.  Somehow years flew by and we let our busy lives keep us from visiting each other.  

This past July when I got the news that Ya-Ching was critically ill and that she much preferred Asian meals over the hospital food, I wanted to fly to Munich to help.  Unfortunately my ailing mother also needed my care.  When my mother was stabilized, I booked airline tickets for Munich.  Two days before my flight, my mother suddenly passed away.  Sadly, I lost my mother and my good friend all in the same week.   

Our hearts are heavy as we say good-bye to Ya-Ching, but we can choose to rejoice that she no longer suffers.   Her spirit will live on just as we will always remember her. 

Ya-Ching, even though that I did not get another chance to serve you another meal on earth, I like to think that we will have many more feasts together in heaven. 

From Lee Eng, Friend from University Days onwards:

Here is a video eulogy produced by Lee Eng together with Sook Foong:

One night in early July 2011, just as I was preparing to retire for the night, I received an overseas call. It was from my good friend, Ya Ching, in Germany.

“The hospital has decided to stop all chemotherapy treatment”, she told me over the phone, trying her best to sound nonchalant. She explained that the physical state of her condition would no longer permit it. There is nothing more the hospital could do to help her.

I remembered a long period of silence followed.

Firstly, I was stunned. I did not expect such an outcome. Not especially when just a few days earlier, she had told me she was preparing to transfer to another hospital for longer term care and treatment. She had been bracing herself to fight her illness - second time round.

Secondly, during the quietness, I was racking through my head, hoping to recall some appropriate and soothing words I could say - to comfort her. Unfortunately, I could not find any - much as I tried. All the words that came flooding to my mind sounded but clichéd to me and, at most, courteous. I could not bring myself to utter them at a time that was so heart-breaking and so devastating to her.

After what seemed like eternity, she comforted me instead. She had been given 6 bonus years and was already very glad and thankful. That was Ya Ching, still ever so thoughtful, mindful and considerate of others, in spite of her condition.

That long night, as I reflected on Ya Ching’s recent six years in remission, as well as those vague years in-between since I knew her as freshmen together at the University of Singapore, I must concur that hers was really a life well-lived. Regrets, if any, should be few.

She lived her life the best she could.

She had ample time for family and friends.

She generously took time out to enjoy and “smell the roses”.

And, most important of all, to her greatest joy and delight,

She found a hobby that was to be the being and passion of her life.

Ever since she was young, Ya Ching had always been willowy. The “Olive” or Pop-eye’s wife image had always given many people the impression that she was fragile and weak. I remembered many of the elders of our time, constantly urging and encouraging her to eat more. They were afraid that she would be blown off by the wind!

It was really funny then, listening to them. Because contrary to what they think, I knew for a certainty that Ya Ching’s beanpole frame belied the physically strong, gently steely and fiercely independent woman that she was - one not easily assailed by the storms of life.

Her life had not always been easy. In fact, there had been quite a few set-backs. But each time, she had been resilient. She would bounce back quickly from them, becoming ever stronger in spirit and continued living with greater courage and determination.

During her recent illness, she knew very quickly that she did not have the luxury of time to brood over her conditions and wallow in self-pity. She rapidly and peacefully accepted the finality of her conditions, fiercely fought each extra day she was given and bravely faced the thought of her final days with a courage that very few could summon.

During the one week in August that I was fortunate to be able to spend with her, I never once heard her griped about her conditions. She never once questioned “why me GOD?” Instead, she channeled whatever energy and time she had, positively, into letting each and every one of us present know that she loved us. Even when she got weaker and could no longer say much, we could all tell, from her smiling eyes, that she was very appreciative and thankful to each of us who were there visiting her.

Ya Ching had the habit of always trying to do everything herself. If she could, she would avoid troubling or inconveniencing anybody. At the hospital, even when she was visibly in great discomfort, she would try not to bother the nurses and attendants – unless absolutely necessary. She would always tell us that the nurses already had their hands full. Such was her thoughtfulness and consideration of people around her.

Ya Ching had always been very focused and disciplined in whatever she decided to do. She tried to live her life the best she could and tried to get her priorities right. She did not have time for silly things - so much so that she sometimes came across as someone who was “too serious” with life. But it was exactly this same “seriousness” with which she approached life that enabled her to notice the details in each and every leaf and flower - which most of us usually missed but which she so beautifully noticed and portrayed in her handiwork! The serious trait in her, coupled with the razor-sharp memory she had, also sometimes enabled her to pick up the flaws in some of the friendly arguments which we occasionally engaged in, enabling her to turn them into some really witty and humorous rebuttals which we had all come to enjoy!

Though Ya Ching had no time for silly and unimportant things, she always had ample time for her family and friends. She would always try to make that annual trip back home to Singapore - to catch up with her family. And without fail, during those trips, she would seize the opportunity to meet up with all her ex-colleagues and friends. She would jokingly reprimand anyone who would be too busy to make time for her! During such gatherings, her powerhouse of memories and amazing vivid recollections of past events would provide such hilarity and nostalgia that all of us friends were beginning to look forward to those annual events!

Without fail too, Ya Ching would also call during major festivals to extend her greetings. After so many years abroad, she was still very Asian at heart. She would keep track of the Chinese New Year and the Mid-Autumn festivals every year, although these were not celebrated in Germany, and called home each time to join family and friends in the festive mood.

Birthdays were also never forgotten. She would also take the pain to personally design and craft the greeting cards herself. All these years, I have also recalled that the cards were never, ever a day late - an act that clearly showed, beyond any shadow of doubt, the love and sincerity with which they were sent and posted.

In spite of the busy and full life she lived each day, Ya Ching would always consciously find and take time out to “smell the proverbial roses”. She loved and relished her occasional weekend escapades to the alpine mountainside! She would talk unceasingly about her walks through the woods and her biking trips to the Palace grounds. Whenever she came back home to Singapore, she would also love to go to the Botanic Gardens for a nostalgic walk down to the swan lake. When there were any great musicals on, she would also encourage and invite us to attend them along with her. To this day, I remembered her changing her tight schedule (because she was only on a short visit) so that she could get me, the lazy couch potato, to watch the Les Miserables with her - at my convenience!

It was just not too long ago, that Ya Ching decided to opt out of active employment. It was to be one of the best decisions of her life because not long after retirement, she was to discover and find a hobby that fulfilled her life-long dream of creating some form of artworks with her hands. Apart from the technical and scientific skills which most of us already knew she was good at, Ya Ching had also been good in art. From young, she had wanted to be an architect. She dreamt of coming up with those artist impressions of great architectural designs and buildings. But this ambition was never meant to be.

When she found her new hobby of needle felting with wool, she was to live her art-related dream. The details and passion with which she poured into her hobby was evident in each piece of craftwork she produced! Even when she was in the hospital and feeling a little weak, I remembered her reminding Colin to take care of the “birds”. When I found out from Colin what the “birds” were I realized how much she prided and treasured her crafts and that she would not suffer the thought of any careless treatment of them!

Few in life could boast of the opportunity to engage in what they were so passionate about. Ya Ching finally found that dream, in time - and I was truly glad for her.

As Ya Ching herself said, she was completely at peace and ready to go. She had lived her life to the fullest and the best she could.

Today, we grieve our loss.

The ache will surely be there.
But we take heart in the thought that though she is no longer with us,
Our fond memories of her will continue to live in our hearts.
We will always remember her as our very good and faithful friend!

Goodbye my dear friend.

From Li Choo, School Friend:

From June, Phuay Hua, Primary School Friend:

From Paul Au Yong, Brother-in-Law:

"I met Ya Ching when I visited her elder sister (my present wife) in Sept 1976. My first impression was that she was very energetic and intelligent.

According to her sister, Ya Ching did well in schools (she studied in the best junior college) as well as in the University of Singapore where she graduated with an honours degree in electronics engineering on 1978. Ya Ching was always very good in making things with her hands from a young age.

She was a kind person who always shared her resources with people. I remembered that she wanted me to use her Honda Civic car in 1980 for one week during my in camp training. I was so grateful to her, as she needed to take bus to office during that period.

Ya Ching was always a caring daughter. I remember that she went all over Germany to look for a special camera and presented it to her father in Singapore on Feb 1991. Her father was critical ill at that time.

My precious moment with Ya Ching was when I visited her in Munich in Oct 2004. She came to receive me at the airport. She always prepared meals for me during my stay. Ya Ching, Colin and I went cycling together and also attended the Oktoberfest beer festival. We had a fine time together. She told me that she wanted me to witness her happy and fulfilling life in Munich and to let her mother, sister and brother in Singapore. She wanted them not to worry about her.

Ya Ching was a dear and loving sister, sister-in law and auntie to our family members. We had a fine time together while she was in Singapore in May 2011.

We are very sad and miss her deeply. No word can express our feeling now. However, Ya Ching would want us to be happy. She teaches us about living and dying. In death she lives in us.

Our best tribute to her is to think positively, be caring, share our love and live our life fully. "

From York Kah, Brother:

From Colin

My dear wife, Ya Ching Tan, passed away on Friday, the 12th of August, here in our adopted home city of Munich.

The idea of this blog is to give her friends a chance to contribute, and see some of the things people have written about her, as well as some pictures people have sent in, and, especially for those who weren’t able to attend the memorial service, so see something of that service.

By the way, her name is written Tan Ya Ching according to Chinese tradition, whereas in the West she wrote it Ya Ching Tan.